So there we were, running our usual Saturday errands with the kids. The sun is out. The birds are chirping. The kids are happy. All is well in our little universe.
Then, out of NOWHERE jumps this killer beast with fangs the size of ice picks. It broke through our car window and latched onto Corinne's neck with nothing short of a death-grip! Lucky for Corinne, I was a Boy Scout growing up - I just happened to have my secret decoder Indiana Jones whip with me in my trusty ol' satchel. With one hand on the wheel and a symphony playing my theme song in the background, I reached down, grabbed my whip, and with the sound of thunder CRACKED it around the beast's torso. Muscles glimmering in the sun, I let out a ferocious mountain-man roar and launched that beast off my fair maiden.
OK, maybe not. But it could've happened, and you know it.
Want the real story? All right, so there we were, driving along in suburbia VA, and Corinne decided to take a peek at Tay in the back seat. She didn't make any sudden movements; no quick jerks or violent turns ... she just turned around nice & slowly to look at sweet Tay, when she felt (and heard) a loud POP in the back of her neck. Next thing I know, she's writhing in pain and can't move her head. Not up, not down, not left, not right.
Thanks to the wonderful advice nurse at Kaiser, we quickly ruled out the possibility that she had a rash. Reason #138 I could never have passed med school - you have to come up with the stupidest questions to ask patients.
Turns out she sprained her neck. In her own words, "It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced." My only reference point to that would be when I passed a couple of kidney gems last summer. That definitely wasn't any fun, so trying to imagine something more painful than that ... well, thanks but no thanks.
And - I have to mention - not only can Corinne keep her smile (I have proof people ... just take a gander below), but she can REFUSE ... that's right ... REFUSE the [very strong] pain medication and muscle relaxant the doc prescribed her b/c she doesn't want it to be passed along to Tay through her breastmilk. OK, I'm officially humbled by this woman.
So lessons learned: #1) Don't ever ever turn around in the car to look at your kids - don't want to sprain your neck; #2) Don't ever ever tell a Kaiser advice nurse you can't move your head up, down, left, or right - she might give you a steroid cream to clear up that rash; and #3) Don't ever ever try to mess with Corinne. This is a no-wimp zone, folks. No wimps here baby; no wimps here.